


Define Me

by Kurgy



Series: This is Us [2]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 10:02:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16700374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kurgy/pseuds/Kurgy
Summary: After 8 years of institutionalization, Orihara Izaya comes face to face with his younger twin brother, Roppi, a mental patient deeply affected by past trauma. After making arrangements to accommodate his brothers needs in the apartment that they will now be sharing, Izaya is left to wonder just what the relationship between he and his brother really is, of course it doesnt come easy, Roppi fighting him at every turn, and the interference of a certain blond man gunning for them both.





	1. Pick Me Up

It's the big day, signing all the necessary paperwork and having long discussions with the doctors and psychologists about Roppi's mental state, his brothers mental state. Izaya had tried to visit a few times recently to help Roppi understand what would happen to him after discharge. Roppi was less than pleased, which didn't surprise Izaya, they hadn't exactly parted on good terms. Still, Roppi was his brother, and he needed to take care of him. After all, Izaya is the one whose been paying the medical bills all these years, it was an investment he wasn't willing to abandon.

He sat in the hospitals waiting room silently, occasionally checking his phone but not much else. He wasn't nervous. Not even a bit. He could handle Roppi and his sour mood, he always could, and Roppi's issues were somethinf he understood on a fundamental level. Chemical imbalances in the brain, can be supported and regulated with medication. Roppi would receive the proper counseling and their living together is something Izaya was sure he could handle. 

He informed the doctor when he arrived, so he knew Roppi was on his way. He could put on a cheerful facade for the doctor, but he knew Roppi would see through him. That was the problem with Roppi, he could always tell when Izaya was lying, quite the annoyance really. But still, dealing with that wasn't part of the days agenda.

"Orihara-san." came a voice from the entrance doors.

The doctor approached with a professional smile that Izaya returned as he stood, shaking the doctors hand with a firm grip before dropping it back to his side. "Doctor." he greeted with a friendly voice.

"We're preparing your brother for discharge. I'd just like to discuss the care plan we've set in place for him upon release." he said, pulling up a clipboard and flipping through a few papers.

"Of course." Izaya said, sliding his hands into his jacket pockets.

"Your brothers condition has significantly improved during his time here, but such mental conditions are not so easily 'cured' you could say. His depression is severe, and completing even simple tasks could be difficult. Theres also the self harm, while we've avoided any situations where he could harm himself here, theres no guarantee that may not do it again. It may be hard for someone without such conditions to understand, so you must be mindful of his emotional state. It's very important to make sure he takes his anti-depressants." he said, jotting something down that Izaya couldn't see.

"Theres also the issue of the hallucinations." he said, eyes meeting Izaya's. "These are a symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder, given what he's gone through, this is not so surprising of a condition. We've put him on a steady dose of anti-psychotics which seem to help significantly."

Izaya nodded as the man spoke, his shoulders tensing as he tried to keep up his friendly act.

"His aversion to being touched is also an issue." he said. "He becomes extremely upset at physical contact, and can become violent, we've put him on mood stablizers to counteract this, but it's still important to give him his space."

"He doesn't have to worry anout that from me, but I'll keep it in mind." Izaya said giving a small smile.

The doctor nodded his head, flipping to another page on his clipboard. "Next we need to go over his appointments."

Izaya nodded once more.

"He will attend therapy provided by a branch of our hospitals psychiatric department, and he will attend a monthly medical review by a certified psychiatrist, the locations will be provided in the discharge papers. His medications are covered under the insurance you've provided, and can be refilled once a month by the pharmacy." he doctor went on for a while going through his papers as Izaya listened, not learning anything he didnt already know.

The doctor finally looked at Izaya with a grim expression. "Theres one more thing." he said, his voice taking a serious tone.

"Theres the issue with substance abuse."

Izaya froze up. He knew this was coming, but that didn't make it any easier. The doctor continued.

"He started at a young age, weaning him off the heroine was a long and difficult process, but theres always a risk of relapse."

Izaya nodded solemnly. He remembers how Roppi was when he was using, to be 13 and already addicted was hard on everyone involved, especially because he refused to get help. Izaya practically had to force him into hospitalization before he even started highschool, an act Roppi clearly never forgave him for. Their visits in the ward were short and spent mostly in silence, Roppi occasionally asking about their sisters, but even those were few and far between.

"What can I do?" Izaya asked calmly, clenching his fists in his pocket.

"Your brother needs daily stimulation, engaging activities, even a simple hobby to discourage a relapse. He also needs emotional support, from family _and_ friends, give his mind something to focus on." the doctor listed numerous ways to help prevent relapse, but with each new suggestion Izaya grew more anxious. Roppi would never agree to any of this, whatever lies he's been spewing to get out here were just that. Lies. Roppi needed help, but he didn't _want_ help. That was always the problem with him. He was too stubborn.

The doctor cleared his throat, noticing the slight crack in Izaya's facade as he thought about the mess they were in. "That's about all we needed to cover." he said, regaining Izayas attention.

"I'll go inform your brother that you're here to get him, please be patient, we've already collected his belongings and all we need now is to sign the discharge papers." he talked as he turned from Izaya, heading back through the double doors restricted to visitors.

Izaya sat back down, thinking over how to work this. It will be difficult to get Roppi under control, something Izaya's never truly managed to do. He was too reckless, too stubborn to ever listen to anything Izaya has to say, but Roppi was being released into his care, so he had to figure something out. Then there were the risks of Izaya's profession. Walking around the city wearing Izaya's face could be dangerous for Roppi from those that had it out for _him_ , and Roppi's never been much of a fighter. If he ran into Shizuo, he'd surely die. Izaya ran his hand through his hair. He had to figure this out, make this work, somehow.

Before long the double doors reopened, the doctor walking out with his clipboard and Roppi close behind.

"Orihara-san." he said in greeting.

Izaya stood, remasking himself with a smile. "Good to see you again." he meant it to Roppi, but the doctor simple chuckled as if he were talking to him.

He didn't look at Roppi.

"Is everything ready?" he asked casually, pointedly ignoring Roppi's presence behind the man, with how often Roppi would snap at him for staring, he thought it for the best.

"All the forms are signed, appointments scheduled, and belongings have been retrieved. Everything is in order for discharge." he man said cheerfully.

"Thats good to hear." Izaya said, finally glancing down to meet Roppi's stare. "Ready to go?"

Roppi glared.

"I have to sign the discharge papers." he growled through his teeth, absolutely seething.

Izaya simply nodded in response. "Of course." he said nonchalantly.

The doctor handed Roppi the pen and clipboard. He quickly signed before handing them back to the doctor. Izaya forced a smile, bowing slightly to the doctor before turning and walking toward the exit, Roppi following behind as they left.

"So long Orihara-kun." the doctor called after them, clearly addressing Roppi. He only seemed to shrug in response.

Izaya was sure this was going to be a long day.


	2. The Ride Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya snd Roppi have their first fight after his release.

They walked to the subway in silence, never even glancing at one another. In truth, Izaya wasn't sure where to start. They had so much to talk about, yet remained silent despite it. Roppi saw Izaya as the bad guy, he didn't entirely blame him. Izaya had no intention of viewing himself as 'good' or 'bad'. He couldn't say the same for Roppi.

He tried to keep up appearances, a small smile on his face as they made their way to the subway platform. He figured now would be as good as any and stopped, turning to Roppi as they waited for the subway car. He was silent for a moment, fully looking at his brother. His sunken cheeks and dark circles around his eyes, his hair too long and shaggy as it hung in his face. He was a mess. Roppi scowled.

" _What._ " he sneered, bringing Izaya back to reality.

"It's been a while since you've been out in the city." he said, taking on a serious tone. "There's a lot you need to know to keep yourself safe."

Roppi scoffed, rolling his eyes. Izaya sighed. "I'm serious." 

"Not serious enough to stand here on the subway platform and make a scene." he spat.

Izaya rolled his eyes. "Fine." he said. "When we arrive at my apartment then." He turned away from his brother, staring at the empty tracks as he waited for the subway. Roppi did the same.

The silence between them was deafening. Izaya wasn't sure what to do about it, which he hated. He hated not knowing, being unsure, it infuriated him. It was his job to know, as an older brother and an informant, yet there he stood at a loss.

The subway car arrived in minutes, the two of them shuffling on board with the other passengers, Izaya taking a gentle hold of Roppi's arm as not to get separated. He felt Roppi tense in his hold but tried to push it from his mind. Izaya had hoped for at least one open seat for Roppi, but all were taken. He pulled Roppi a little closer to him as the car was quickly filled with other passengers. Izaya grasped the hanging strap above his head tightly, he hoped Roppi would do the same, but he didn't move.

"Grab on or you'll fall." Izaya said, casually looking anywhere but in Roppi's direction.

Before he could answer the car began to move, the jolt throwing Roppi off his feet as Izaya swiftly moved to grab him, wrapping his fingers around Roppi's elbow to keep him from falling. Roppi's head whipped around at him, pure rage plastered on his face and before Izaya could say anything Roppi was screaming.

"Stop _TOUCHING_ me!" he screamed, pushing Izaya away with all his might, which wasn't much, Izaya barely moving an inch, but instantly retracting his hand. Recalling the doctors words of Roppi's aversion to being touched.

Roppi roughly ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes wild as his breathing became laboured. He looked on the verge of a breakdown so soon after leaving the hospital. Izaya quickly replaced his surprise with composure as other passengers gave them confused and startled looks.

"After everything am I supposed to just be ok!? To go back to whatever you view as normal!? Fuck you!" he screamed, clutching at his hair and closing his eyes tight.

"I was broken, I was hurting and all you did was have me locked away! And thats just the beginning of how much is fucked between us." he yelled at the top of his lungs, turning to Izaya with blind fury in his eyes, Izaya remained quiet, but composed. Passengers began moving away from them, some avoiding eye contact and whispering to eachother.

"This isn't the time Roppi." he tried to sound calm, only coming off as stern as his fists shook.

Roppi heaved, his breathing erratic and loud in Izaya's ears.

"Am I supposed to just forgive you after everything? You don't give a crap about me and you never have!" his eyes were glossy as he screamed, jabbing a finger in Izaya's direction accusingly.

" _Roppi._ " Izaya said, trying to get through to him through the anger of the others words. Roppi was unhinged, as if years of trauma decided now was the time to overflow.

Roppi grew quiet, his arms dropping to his sides. "And the worst part?"

Izaya felt his heart beat loud in his ears, his composure slipping as his brother fell into turmoil. "I always knew." he practically whispered the end os his sentence.

Izaya looked around at the startled passengers, then at his brothers hunched form as he breathed heavily. Izaya sighed, wrangling his emotions back into control and standing tall, crossing his arms and taking on a stern look. "Weren't you the one opposed to causing a scene?"

Roppi looked up at him, the rage gone from his eyes giving way to emptiness. He glanced around him, at the scared passengers circling around them. "Whatever." he said in a defeated tone, turning his back to Izaya.

Izaya's eyes never left his brothers back, the other passengers staring at him as well, he glared at a few, scaring some of them off, but ultimately the scene they caused was inescapable in the crowded subway car. All Izaya could do is watch his brother give up. He hated it. Roppi was always difficult.

The rest of the ride was silent, the entire car was silent. Maybe it was for the best. No one approached Roppi, which Izaya supposed was also for the best. He knew Roppi needed space, he just didn't realize how much. As the car slowly came to a stop, the doors opened and immediately the passengers began flooding out, some more eager than others. Izaya took the lead and exited the car, making sure not to touch Roppi again, trusting Roppi would follow on his own. He was right too as he felt Roppi's presence behind him, a slight sigh of relief leaving his lips as he dove deep into his thoughts. He thought of Roppi. He used to be so close to his twin, and they were small, when things were simpler. He wouldn't apologize for what he's done. He'll stand by his decision regarding Roppi. He needed the kind of help that Izaya couldn't provide. He wouldn't apologize. He couldn't.

Izaya was walking faster than he intended, weaving through the crowd as easily as he would alone, suddenly realizing that he wasn't, and Roppi had fallen behind. He stopped suddenly, allowing Roppi to catch up but never turning around. 

"Do you want to walk or get a cab." he said it as more of a statement than a question, waiting for Roppi's response anyway.

"Walk." he heard Roppi mutter from behind him.

He simply nodded in response, walking just as fast as he had before, trying to remain mindful of Roppi but wanting to get him back to the apartment as quickly as possible. The walk wasn't long, but he knew Roppi would be tired regardless.

They arrived in no time, Izaya stepping through the automatic doors and walking up to greet the doorman. It took a bit before Roppi realized they had arrived, sulking inside sheepishly after realizing he had walked past the building.

"That's Roppi." he explained to the doorman as Roppi looked around by the elevator. "He'll be living here with me from now on, please excuse him, he's been away for quite some time."

"Of course sir." the man responded, simply going back to his business as Izaya walked away.

He approached Roppi and the elevator, not making eye contact with his brother as he pressed the button for his desired floor. Roppi was silent as he followed Izaya inside, the ride up was quick as Izaya stared straight ahead, noticing Roppi's sneaking glances in his direction, but keeping his eyes focused on the elevator doors. As they arrived at his floor Izaya couldn't exit the elevator fast enough, walking briskly to his apartment door and fiddling with his keys before unlocking it. He held the door open for Roppi, a silent gesture for him to enter first. Roppi walked past him and into the apartment, looking around as he took a few careful steps inside.

Izaya removed his jacket, placing it on the coat rack before removing his shoes. "I rearranged the spare room for you. You should get some rest. We'll talk tomorrow. It's upstairs to the right." he said, closing the door behind them.

Roppi nodded as he bent down to remove his shoes. He adjusted the bag over his shoulder before heading upstairs, quickly disappearing behind corner and presumably into the room Izaya had instructed. Izaya sighed as he walked over to the couch, sitting down and slouching into the softness of the cushions. He didn't hear the bedroom door close, he decided he'd check on Roppi later, giving him space for now. He turned on the tv, not bothering to look for something to watch, he just needed something to fill the silence. He lifted his feet up onto the couch, stretching out and sighing.

He wasn't sure how long he laid there, just staring at the ceiling while some soap opera played in the background. Roppi had been silent for a while, he decided now was as good a time as any to check on Roppi. He should've made him take his medications before he sent him up to his room, he wondered if he was still awake. There was only one way to find out.

He slid himself off the couch and approached the stairs, walking up them quickly before rounding the corner leading to the bedrooms. Roppi's door was open. 

"Roppi?" he called, not receiving an answer. He walked closer, peering into the room finding Roppi sleeping on the bed, blankets kicked off to the side. He sighed, walking inside and pulling the blankets from under Roppi's feet, draping it over him while slept. He looked peaceful, it's the first time he's seen his brother with such a relaxed face in years. There was a slight sting in his chest that he hated. He was too busy for guilt, too busy for this. He left the room, closing the door behind him. He wanted to go to bed. He pulled his phone for time, noting it was a bit earlier than when he usually drifted off to sleep, but he needed energy for tomorrow. Knowing Roppi, he wouldn't make it easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! im really enjoying writing from Izaya's point of view, tho i doubt i can do the character justice, so forgive me if he seems ooc. the relationship between izaya and roppi is rocky, i hope i get across the feeling im going for with them.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! This is part of the series This Is Us, telling the story of The Orihara twins Izaya and Roppi. Its a story about love and recovery, making unexpected friends and perhaps more as the brothers work through past trauma, told from Izaya's pov.


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